I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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