At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
