You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
