you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
