i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
