Your face is a jimmy john
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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