my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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