I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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