I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
