I cannot find my penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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