haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
