have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
