i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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