I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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