did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
