After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
