TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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