there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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