Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
