Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
