carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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