Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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