Have you finally orgasmed yet?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
