this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
