i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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