There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
