Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS