The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.