If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.