My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
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Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone