But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
