I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..