I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
