its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
