We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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