i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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