just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
