Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
