On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
