My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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