I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
