My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
