did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
