I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Terrible idea I love it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
