come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Small penises have feelings too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
