Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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