You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
