did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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