when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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