i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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