I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
