Screwed.edu
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
