She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
