You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
