If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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