Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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