Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
