Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
