I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
