Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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