were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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