i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
