Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
