you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
