I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
