I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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