I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
