the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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