**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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