You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
