and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
