had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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