omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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