woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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