now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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