There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
