Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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