Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
