Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
